She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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