i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
