Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
