Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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