do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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