You're my little dorito
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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