What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
