I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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