I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
even my farts smell like vagina
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
