So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
