Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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