i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
