Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
