I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
