Someone shit on the floor
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
