last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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