I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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