Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
