a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
no, he came in my armpit
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
