Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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