I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
