Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
