we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I pour the whiskey from now on
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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