someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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