let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
