Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
