fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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