I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
