youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
