Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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