never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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