So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
