Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
