I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
