what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
