She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
