I wanna passion pit in your ass
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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