: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
