I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
