guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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