You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize