I just saw a hot homeless man
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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