Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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