I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
