I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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