I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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