my phone needs a breathalizer
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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