Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
