Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I skipped work to stalk him.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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