Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
