I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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