I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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