I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
