2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I didn't notice because vodka
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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