Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
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One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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