1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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