So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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