we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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