I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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