guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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