I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
