you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
