using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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