i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
