if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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