Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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