my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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