This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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