So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
