The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
