So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
